I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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