this is something i pride myself on being below average for
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
