Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
