u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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