i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Text me some of your sweat
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize