3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
