i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
