Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
