jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
