I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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