He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
