hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
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