i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
We need to get me chipped asap
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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