thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
