Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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