I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
