Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
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