I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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