Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
