So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
