so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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