I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
