i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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