Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
