How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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