Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
time to smoke my breakfast
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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