I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Randomize
