Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
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I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
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You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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