woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
