his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
