I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
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He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
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DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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