hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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