I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
