I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
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