Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
How does one acquire holy water?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
