You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
