I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
