Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
