I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
