I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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