fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
two words...techno handjob
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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