my text book just quoted the cookie monster
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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