no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
