If i come over, it means nothing
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
