we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
