This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
