He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
