Christians are straight up FREAKS
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
