he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
