Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
