going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
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I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
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We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
It all started with a game of naked twister.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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