I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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