please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
