ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
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