someone get that fucking seahorse.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize