Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
