how can u be prego again
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
