textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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