This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
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We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
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I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
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