I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
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