they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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