For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
