Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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