just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
ok first of all what the fuck
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