do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
handjob tips. give me some.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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