I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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