Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
