i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Randomize
