im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
