I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
