Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
