Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
