girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
