They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
