just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
