Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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