so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
