I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
