I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
