I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
