I don't remember. Are we still dating?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Randomize
